Monty Python is Honest

I bought my first flat — a lovely penthouse apartment — directly from the builder…before it was built. I trusted my ex-builder knew what he was doing (serious foreshadowing in that statement). I was too busy running my new business, getting married to my future ex-wife and being the most naïve MFer since that girl believed the “I’ll just put the tip in” line to check everything out myself. I also trusted my (now ex-) lawyer to look after my best interests. Are you noticing a trend yet?

To keep this story short, replace “castle” with “builder” and “sank into the swamp” with “went bankrupt” in this classic Monty Python scene and you’ll have a pretty accurate description of how it took 12 years, 4 builders, 3 court cases, 2 lawyers, one divorce, one building commissioner who decided I’d suffered enough (true story) and me learning Vienna building codes and how to manage building contractors before my flat was legal to live in. Diane Lane? Friggin’ amateur.

The apartment is very lovely…now. The people who rent it from me love it. I have purposely never done the math to see what it cost me in Euros (let alone time!), and never will. Not only would it depress the fuck out of me, but there were non-monetary reasons for doing certain things at certain times that never show up on a balance sheet. BTW: My son doesn’t want to sing.